Tuesday, December 29, 2009

A New Direction

Hello Everyone,

It has been over 6 months since I posted because I became disheartened with my obsession over food. The last 6 months have been at times an uncontrollable food frenzy. I have had significant weight gain but some interesting revelations.

Here is what I am up to now: After a particularly gluttonous vacation, I asked my husband to join me in doing South Beach Diet. He agreed. We did the two weeks of no carbs starting on 11/30. It wasn't easy. I had 3 days of headaches. This time I have actually been following the diet correctly. After the 14 days of no carbs, I add one thing in and see if I get cravings. If I do, I take it out of the diet, eating only protein and veges and fruit (doesn't cause cravings) and wait until I feel craving free then try something else. Last night I tried 12g fiber tortillas and so far so good today.

The cravings: I couldn't describe and understand the craving feeling. it is a gnawing hunger that can never be satisfied. I could eat boxes of cookies and maybe get some relief for a short time but then it starts again. It takes over my life. I can't think of other things except satisfying the craving. Must be like what a drug addict feels. So when I don't have the craving, I can do other things and even get quite hungry before I need to eat. The hunger pang is very different and manageable compared to the craving.

When I do eat something that triggers the craving: champagne, sweet potatoes, perhaps my hot cereal (I need to experiment more), obviously anything with sugar in it, it takes about 12 hours for the craving to leave and then I am fine. So on New Year's I can have champagne, I just have to eat no carbs the next day until it leaves. I've lost about 9 lbs. since doing this and maintained over Christmas week which has included more drinking and eating than usual, although no sweets.

So where I thought I was an emotional, stress eater, I am not so sure. I think the craving becomes so strong that it takes over your life...when you can eat so you have no craving it is liberating, like being let out of a prison.

I have found that starting my day with a protein and a vegetable gives me lots of energy.

Lastly, the experimenting seems like a pain in the butt but it is actually not hard. You know you can eat vegetables and proteins, that's a lot of food. I have crossed off fruit, even bananas are okay. It's the starches that you do one by one. Once you realize the craving is physiological it is easier to deal with and it does go away and then you feel fine. Good luck!

I was able to bake Christmas cookies all day without a lick. It did it during a no-craving time. It has been somewhat challenging seeing them around but they are almost gone and things will be easier.

Giving up sweets has not been difficult because I feel a million times better...

Thursday, June 18, 2009

3 Days of Sitting for 10 minutes

I don't know if it's helping with my eating. I am not longer restricting my diet. I did eat some Pepperidge Farm graham cracker gold fish while shopping in target and I did shove some pretzels in my mouth while standing in the pantry but nothing too bad. Unlike a glass of wine, I don't sit and savor the treat. It is usually a sneaky, rushed affair (like an affair, I supposed). I still choose unhealthy over healthy...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

So I went to a Psychologist Today to Get To the Bottom of The Eating Problem!

He thinks that I am eating for a reason.  For some kind of comfort.  Yeah, I may have a sugar addiction but he thinks that if I can figure out why I am eating like this the problem will resolve itself.  Wouldn't that be fabulous! I need to get to the bottom of it.  My assignment:  To sit for 10 minutes a day and do nothing.  I can't even keep the timer in the same room with me.  

We discovered that I never just be.  If I am going to sit, I am going to read.  If I'm not sleeping I never stop doing...I can never do enough.  Sometimes I feel like I am just one step away from the grim reaper...

Anyway, I did sit.  It was not painful.  when the alarm went off, it was a shock. 

I did have some honeybee-shaped graham crackers, some M&M's and Razzles (the candy that turns into gum).  I do not have the desire to binge.  Perhaps I am already cured! LOLOLOL!

Friday, June 5, 2009

It's all in my head, not a physical craving

I think I've figured it out. The other night at 9 p.m. the three dogs next door were barking incessantly (windows were open) The kids were complaining they could not go to sleep. I stressed over that as well as for the welfare of the dogs who had not been let out since God-knows-when.

Feeling powerless I ate cookies. I did end up leaving a nicely worded note on her door.

When I feel completely out of control in a situation, I'll eat. Note to self: Carry a reserve candy bar when I fly, in case the plane is going down! By then it will be too late to work through the problem. Being proactive with the note-writing or closing windows and putting music on in the house might have been helpful.

The next day I ate healthy, which for me is good no snowballing of the situation.

Yesterday, I forgot to eat. I know, sounds stupid, who forgets to eat. I realized at 11 that I hadn't had breakfast. So I was starving when I got home and had 1/2 bagel with cheese. Then I ate 2 good humor bars, some cookies and a piece of Italian Bread with cheese. Moving on today. Not worrying about it. Busy stressful weekend ahead. But that's no excuse!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Portion Size, No Bad Carbs and being Productive is the Key for Me!

I finally feel thinner and good. No gym. Doing my PT exercises and eating smaller sizes. I don't know if your stomach physically shrinks but it certainly mentally shrinks. This is the best I've felt since beginning this endeavor in February. I think the key is portion size (and making those portions healthy foods is added insurance). One of my ways to control portion sizes is keeping busy.

I went to a party last night and ate delicious hors' deouvres. Just kept away from the carby stuff. I did indulge in 2 glasses of sangria. I did pay for it with a headache...but other than that no guilt and I don't feel fat this morning.

Helpful hint: Besides the occasional glass of wine and a couple of cups of tea a day, I only drink water. It's probably the easiest and least painful of my foods to control.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

I haven't been hungry and not sure why?

I have been consumed with getting my home ready for a house tour at the end of June. I also have not been going to the gym except to do pilates owing to the fact that I am in physical therapy for a shoulder and low back problem (probably from going to the gym!) I have been walking for an hour with my dog, not everyday. I actually feel good. I have had a decrease in hunger. Possible reasons:

1. Busy getting house ready
2. Burning less calories
3. The one week out of the month I may be less hungry? Who knows?
4. I have cut down my portion sizes. Perhaps I am expecting less? David Kessler says in his book that when you tell yourself you are getting less or can eat less frequently, your body accepts that.
5. I have not been talking about food so much, I've had a different focus. My husband actually brought me some food last night about 9 because I had not eaten dinner. I didn't realize I was hungry. Don't you hate when people say that!

Anyway, I feel good.

FYI - I did have a glass of white wine on Sunday. It did not seem to trigger the sugar cravings.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The End Of Overeating - My Plan of Action


David Kessler wrote The end of overeating because he could accomplish many things in his life like attending Harvard Medical School and University of Chicago Law School at the same time. But if you put a plate of chocolate chip cookies in front of him he couldn't cope. I am the same way (not the medical and law school, the cookies).

He states that the problem foods are sugar, salt and fat. I'd figured out the sugar and fat and flour(which turns into sugar) but I hadn't really thought of the salt. Although I have always been careful to remember to add salt to my oatmeal, cookies and did binge recently on brownies sprinkled with french sea salt.

He feels that if you get all of this out of your diet, you can retrain yourself and your brain and could eventually introduce them back into your diet. I agree with the first part but strongly disagree with the second. When I was first married nearly 18 years ago, I never ate fruit. Everyday my new husband cut up fruit and put it into a bowl of yogurt. Everyday I choked it down until I discovered blending it and drinking it was a more palatable solution. 18 years later I still make these for myself and my husband. My point is is that I trained myself to eat fruit in the mornings and now I have to have it. We can untrain ourselves to crave unhealthy foods.

Kessler suggests that you create rules that make choices easy. For example: He never eats french fries. Therefore when faced with a plate of fries, it is a non-issue.

My Rules:

1. I don't eat anything made from white flour
2. I don't eat anything made from white sugar
3. I don't eat savory snack foods; ie crackers, chips, pretzels, popcorn
4. I don't eat fried foods
5. The only alcohol I drink is red wine

This leaves all other foods open. There is no deliberating, no guilt.

Support:
He suggests you have support when doing this. My husband follows the same rules and I blog.

Recognize Your Triggers:

I eat when I am stressed.
I eat when I am premenstrual and possibly menstrual
I eat because I like reliability - I know carby foods will taste delicious and make me feel satisfied. Everytime.

Portion Size:

I noticed that when I had eaten healthy for 50 days I felt good but did not lose any weight. Mr. Kessler suggests that we examine our portion size. I am cutting my portions by a third and trying to stretch the time in between meals or snacks. I am always putting something in my mouth whether it is a handful of pistachios or a cup of tea. Portion size is the only explanation I had for the lack of weight loss while eating really healthy, not drinking and exercising.

There is much more to the book and it is worth reading.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The 10 Day Bender is Over!

After 10 days of eating virtually nothing healthy and feeling awful, being unpleasant to my family and lastly yelling at my boys for a game of tag gone awry, I have realized again that I need to be off the white stuff! I read David Kessler's Overeating No More (while eating all kinds of crud). I will be posting my plan of action this afternoon.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Still Sliding....

I was ready to close down this blog after yesterday's bender! I had a party the night before after having my 6 year old go missing...he was found safe and sound. At the party I ate chocolate covered pretzels (white, dark, milk and naked) all mixed together. Delicious. Along with chocolate chocolate chip cookies from Trader Joe's (yummy) and a lemon tart (melts in your mouth) The red wine I usually drink tasted awful so I had to glasses of white. I felt horrible yesterday a.m. so I ate the rest of the chocolate chip cookies (still yummy) more of the tart (still great) and the pretzels. I put a bunch of the cookies in my kid's lunches to get them out of the house. When I was not eating all of this crap I was eating shrimp cocktail and a fruit smoothie. Last night, while feeling sick, I still shoved down a Klondike ice cream sandwich in the 3 minutes it took my husband to go out and pick up one of the kids. I slept for 8 hours and don't feel great but am off to the gym.

I know the menstrual cycle has some inpact on the cravings and the drive to get this food but this is ridiculous. It all started when I ate the chocolate graham crackers last Friday. It is like depressed people on meds who feel better, think they are cured and go off the meds...Each time I think I can control the bad carbs...

Monday, May 11, 2009

Oh, Boy it really went downhill yesterday...!

I got off to a good start yesterday, a bowl of my hot whole grain cereal. We went to Pullman for a Mother's Day outing. It is one of the first planned communities in the country, built in the 1800s by George Pullman (train car guy).

We ate at a diner and I figured since I was already off program I would continue. Cheeseburger deluxe. It was good. I later went grocery shopping and ate 1/3 of a package of Biscoff biscuits (one of my favorites) while shopping. After paying for everything, I threw the remainder of the pack out while exiting the grocery store. I could barely eat dinner, I was so full. I had some brown rice sushi, the delicious brownies with the French sea salt, graham crackers and broccoli. I had 2 glasses of champagne, the first white wine in probably 8 or 9 weeks. It was good. Back on track today... Yikes!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Return to Slippery Slope Mountain...

I was feeling great on Thursday, very productive. Friday I was walking to school and didn't feel great due to colds or allergies and I was hungry. I hadn't packed all of my various snacks because I hadn't felt hungry wasn't eating as much. I thought I would test myself and buy dark chocolate grahams from Starbucks. They were good, not great. Filled me up and gave me a boost...I ate a salad for lunch but did have 4 of the dark chocolate nonpareils that I'd been wondering about. Saturday, I got off to a good start but went to Trader Joe's in the a.m. while hungry. I bought some cinnamon grahams (that looked how old-fashioned grahams should look and some dark chocolate brownies with french sea salt and pretzel rolls for the kids.

I did take a taste of the brownies, grahams and pretzel roll. They were all delicious! I didn't just take a taste. I ate more. Sitting in the pantry, after husband left to pick up a kid. Bummer.

After I ate the graham crackers I wasn't craving sugar but I figured since I went off my healthy eating that I'd "taste" the things I'd been missing. That and a little stress...
I even told myself not to feel guilty after the graham crackers because I'd given myself permission....didn't work. I still feel guilty. I am irritable and snapping at kids, husband and dog. I think it's because I am angry with myself and not because I physically feel bad.

Today's another day.

Key Learning:

One taste does set me off.
Guilt is woven in with eating unhealthy carbs - don't know if they can ever be separated.
Unhealthy carbs do give me a full feeling
Sweets after a period of no sweets don't taste too sweet to me!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

I'm off all "bad" carbs but feeling fat and hungry

I've been off popcorn for a week and off everything "bad." I honestly don't know if I can cut anything else out. I am hungry all of the time. I am obviously eating too much of the good stuff. This is why diets don't work. Will Power can only last so long. I am going to get David Kessler's new book. Check out previous post. It's one thing to suffer like this if I were skinny. But I am starving and not thin and not eating anything bad. What a bummer!

David Kessler article - Food Cravings are Not Always Physiological - It is Brain Chemistry

Crave Man
David Kessler Knew That Some Foods Are Hard to Resist; Now He Knows Why

By Lyndsey Layton
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, April 27, 2009

He went in the middle of the night, long after the last employee had locked up the Chili's Grill and Bar. He'd steer his car around the back, check to make sure no one was around and then quietly approach the dumpster.

If anyone noticed the man foraging through the trash, they would have assumed he was a vagrant. Except he was wearing black dress slacks and padded gardening gloves. "I'm surprised he didn't wear a tie," his wife said dryly.

The high-octane career path of David A. Kessler, the Harvard-trained doctor, lawyer, medical school dean and former commissioner of the Food and Drug Administration had come to this: nocturnal dumpster diving. Sometimes, he would just reach in. Other times, he would climb in.

It took many of these forays until Kessler emerged with his prize: ingredient labels affixed to empty cardboard boxes that spelled out the fats, salt and sugar used to make the Southwestern Eggrolls, Boneless Shanghai Wings and other dishes served by the nation's second-largest restaurant chain.

Kessler was on a mission to understand a problem that has vexed him since childhood: why he can't resist certain foods.

His resulting theory, described in his new book, "The End of Overeating," is startling. Foods high in fat, salt and sugar alter the brain's chemistry in ways that compel people to overeat. "Much of the scientific research around overeating has been physiology -- what's going on in our body," he said. "The real question is what's going on in our brain."

The ingredient labels gave Kessler information the restaurant chain declined to provide when he asked for it. At the FDA, Kessler pushed through nutritional labels on foods sold through retail outlets but stopped short of requiring the same for restaurants. Yet if suppliers ship across state lines, as suppliers for Chili's do, the ingredients must be printed on the box. That is what led Kessler, one of the nation's leading public health figures, to hang around dumpsters across California.

The labels showed the foods were bathed in salt, fat and sugars, beyond what a diner might expect by reading the menu, Kessler said. The ingredient list for Southwestern Eggrolls mentioned salt eight different times; sugars showed up five times. The "egg rolls," which are deep-fried in fat, contain chicken that has been chopped up like meatloaf to give it a "melt in the mouth" quality that also makes it faster to eat. By the time a diner has finished this appetizer, she has consumed 910 calories, 57 grams of fat and 1,960 milligrams of sodium.

Instead of satisfying hunger, the salt-fat-sugar combination will stimulate that diner's brain to crave more, Kessler said. For many, the come-on offered by Lay's Potato Chips -- "Betcha can't eat just one" -- is scientifically accurate. And the food industry manipulates this neurological response, designing foods to induce people to eat more than they should or even want, Kessler found.

His theory, born out in a growing body of scientific research, has implications not just for the increasing number of Americans struggling with obesity but for health providers and policymakers.

"The challenge is how do we explain to America what's going on -- how do we break through and help people understand how their brains have been captured?" he said.

Kessler is best remembered for his investigation of the tobacco industry and attempts to place it under federal regulation while he was FDA commissioner from 1990 to 1997. Although he was appointed by George H.W. Bush, Kessler became popular among Democrats for his tough regulatory stance. He got the nickname "Eliot Knessler" after he authorized the U.S. attorney's office in Minnesota to seize a large quantity of Citrus Hill Fresh Choice orange juice in 1991 because it was labeled "fresh" when it was, in fact, partially processed. After he was elected in 1992, President Bill Clinton asked Kessler to continue to run the FDA.

Kessler's aggressive approach toward the tobacco industry led to billion-dollar settlements between Big Tobacco and 46 states and laid the groundwork for legislation now pending in Congress that would place tobacco under FDA regulation.

Kessler, 57, sees parallels between the tobacco and food industries. Both are manipulating consumer behavior to sell products that can harm health, he said.

Whether government ought to exercise tougher controls over the food industry is going to be the next great debate, especially since much of the advertising is aimed at children, Kessler said.

"The food the industry is selling is much more powerful than we realized," he said. "I used to think I ate to feel full. Now I know, we have the science that shows, we're eating to stimulate ourselves. And so the question is what are we going to do about it?"

The idea for the book came seven years ago as Kessler was channel-surfing and came across an overweight woman named Sarah on "The Oprah Winfrey Show." While Sarah was successful in nearly every aspect of her life, she tearfully told Winfrey, she could not control her eating.

Kessler was mesmerized by Sarah -- she was describing his own private struggle. "I needed to not only figure out Sarah -- I needed to figure out myself," he said. "Little did I know it would lead me into real fundamental issues of what makes us human and how our brains are wired."

At 5-foot-11, Kessler's weight has swung from 160 pounds to 230 pounds and back, many times over. He owns pants in sizes ranging from 34 to 42.

"I was a fat kid," he said. "I grew up in the world of Entenmann's cakes. I was pretty much of a science nerd. If you looked in my refrigerator in college, it was Entenmann's."

Every few years, Kessler would go on a diet and apply the kind of discipline that enabled him to earn a law degree from the University of Chicago while attending Harvard Medical School. "I'd lose weight and over time gain it back," said Kessler, who also completed a medical residency at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore at the same time he worked as a staffer to Sen. Orrin Hatch. "I couldn't control it."

The man who took on Big Tobacco was helpless when confronted with a plate of chocolate chip cookies. He couldn't focus on anything else until he had eaten them all.

"My weight was yo-yoing all the time," said Kessler, who estimates that 70 million Americans struggle with conditioned hyper-eating. "And I never understood why."

He embarked on a mission to figure it out while serving as dean of the medical school at Yale University and later the University of California at San Francisco. UCSF fired Kessler from his position as dean in December after he alleged financial malfeasance at the institution. The university maintains there were no financial misdeeds; Kessler says he was forced out because he blew the whistle. He remains on the faculty at the medical school and lives in San Francisco with his wife, Paulette, a lawyer. They have two grown children, both of whom live in Washington.

Paulette says that she was not taken aback when her husband of 34 years would disappear in the middle of the night on his dumpster tour. "Nothing surprises me anymore," she said. "When he wants to find something out, there's really no stopping him."

Through interviews with scientists, psychologists and food industry insiders, and his own scientific studies and hours spent surreptitiously watching other diners at food courts and restaurants around the country, Kessler said, he finally began to understand why he couldn't control his eating.

"Highly palatable" foods -- those containing fat, sugar and salt -- stimulate the brain to release dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with the pleasure center, he found. In time, the brain gets wired so that dopamine pathways light up at the mere suggestion of the food, such as driving past a fast-food restaurant, and the urge to eat the food grows insistent. Once the food is eaten, the brain releases opioids, which bring emotional relief. Together, dopamine and opioids create a pathway that can activate every time a person is reminded about the particular food. This happens regardless of whether the person is hungry.

Not everyone is vulnerable to "conditioned overeating" -- Kessler estimates that about 15 percent of the population is not affected and says more research is needed to understand what makes them immune.

But for those like Kessler, the key to stopping the cycle is to rewire the brain's response to food -- not easy in a culture where unhealthy food and snacks are cheap and plentiful, portions are huge and consumers are bombarded by advertising that links these foods to fun and good times, he said.

Deprivation only heightens the way the brain values the food, which is why dieting doesn't work, he said.

What's needed is a perceptual shift, Kessler said. "We did this with cigarettes," he said. "It used to be sexy and glamorous but now people look at it and say, 'That's not my friend, that's not something I want.' We need to make a cognitive shift as a country and change the way we look at food. Instead of viewing that huge plate of nachos and fries as a guilty pleasure, we have to . . . look at it and say, 'That's not going to make me feel good. In fact, that's disgusting.' "

Kessler said he's made that shift in his own life, eating small portions of foods that contain fat, salt and sugar, part of a "food rehab" plan he suggests in the book. He has certain rules -- no french fries, ever -- that help him navigate through vulnerable moments.

He has embraced spinning -- the first time he has regularly exercised. "I hated physical activity, all of my life, mostly because I was fat and it was hard to do," he said. "But I just wanted to do something. I picked spinning because you can't fall off the bike." He worked with a private trainer for weeks just to be ready to take a class. "I was embarrassed to go into the class," he said.

Now Kessler tries to spin every day and belongs to multiple health clubs so that he has more options for class times.

He avoids the cues that focus his brain on "highly palatable" foods, going so far as to chart a different route through San Francisco International Airport so that he doesn't walk past the fried dumpling stand.

Kessler's weight is relatively stable at 162 pounds. But there's something else that's changed. As he has come to better understand himself, the food cravings and the resulting anguish he felt have subsided.

"So I'm at peace," he said. "After 30 years, I'm at peace."

View all comments that have been posted about this article.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

It's a Slippery Slope....

I had the craving for sweets all day. Went to the gym did cardio and pilates, ate healthy. Really wanted to eat something bad and So I filled a bag of popcorn and went out. Came home took two older kids to dinner (had a spinach and shrimp salad) but then ate one of the kid's sliders, the meat and 1/2 of the bun.

Nothing at the movies but came home and finally caved, 3 small cookies, 2 bites of Hagaan Daz ice cream bar, 3 spoonfuls of pudding. I hope I can get back on track tomorrow...

One of the kids said "I can't figure out why your not thin; On the 2 days you go to school you walk 3 miles a day, you go to the gym 4 or 5 times a week and you eat very healthy." I said, "I'm wondering why as well!"

Anyway, off to bed. Tomorrow's a new day.

Friday, April 24, 2009

See I told you....

I had to travel to a not great area this morning...I was stressed upon arrival so I ate some popcorn, caffeinated coffee, and a small white roll with my corner bakery salad. Now I just want to eat whatever. I had some decaf tea when I got home. It's interesting how, for whatever reason, you can lose the will to keep on the healthy track. Not sure if the stress caused it, the little bit of white carbs over the last few days. Who knows. But it is going to take more than a herculean effort to get myself back on track (even though I am hardly off track). I need to make an attitude adjustment.

Once you eat one thing, something else creeps in...

On the 23rd I ate an unhealthy lunch. I was downtown with my daughter, at her suggestion we stopped in an Italian place, the kiss of death for me. I could have gotten a chicken caeser salad but got calamari instead and minestrone soup. Her pizza didn't come right away, so she ate my soup. I tasted a bit of pizza. I had eaten carrots and hummus for a snack. Not only did I have a stomachache but I was so thirsty from the salt that I couldn't get enough water. Interestingly, once you begin to eat healthy, you are much more sensitive to unhealthy stuff. It definitely makes it more difficult to eat.

So I came home and wanted to just go off and eat that pudding, cookies or ice cream. Not sure why I didn't but I am back on track now.

Also, going off the popcorn....

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Compulsion Was Too Strong I Ate...

Some of that delicious Belgian Chocolate Pudding I warned you about and a piece of pretzel bread. You might say "What's the Big Deal?" Well, there's a couple of things. This will not be enough carbs. One, if I only ate this each day, I would be fine. But I always want more. Two, I think there is a chemical reaction with my body and carbs. I start hanging onto water weight, my mood declines, etc. You may think I am starving on this healthy diet, I'm not. I have been eating plenty. It's just a compulsion. Not sure what triggered this mini-binge. But nothing was going to stop me from eating something in the unhealthy carb category.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I Was Praying There's Be Whoopie Pies on Sunday At Trader Joes!

I did my weekly Trader Joe's Run and was feeling the cravings. I think this is tied into the ole menstrual cycle. Menopause where are you!!! Anyway, thank God there were no Whoopie Pies. I was looking for a reason to get some sweets. What a battle it is sometimes to not give in...I ate so much popcorn yesterday my mouth hurts from the salt. And no, it's not an option to have that whoopie pie or candy bar or cookies. Because I can't have just one. I did have one glass of red wine on Sunday. I felt okay Monday. One or none seems to be the magic number!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Had 2 Glasses of Red Wine Last Night - Headache this A.M.

And yes, I drank water. Did not go to my pilates class! I was able to fit into pants yesterday that I was vacuumed packed into in Florida a few weeks ago. So I am losing some weight. I think I will cut down on the popcorn and try carrots and hummus as my stress, shovel-in-my-mouth food. Still trying to cut down on portion sizes. Feel like I am losing weight from the head down. I remember weight loss as being an all over thing. You slowly shrink...

Anyway, next time I have wine, it'll be one glass...as a white wine drinker, I am finding the red tasty after having gotten of the white stuff.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I am Eating Less! Yeah! Try Bob's Hot Cereal! Become Fabulously Regular!

When I went into the city today for my class, I brought a bag of popcorn and some carrots and hummus. That was plenty of food. I used to bring in my lunch, a salad with meat, cheese and fruit and then have an apple and cheese on the way home.

I am feeling thinner and better. I've also switched from McCann's oatmeal (which is delicious) to Bob's Red Mill organic Whole Grain High Fiber Hot Cereal with Flaxseed. It has 10 grams of fiber. It has a nutty flavor. It is extremely filling and will make you fabulously regular! You will feel so slim.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I took 3 Spoonfuls of Trader Joe's Belgian Dark Chocolate Pudding

Don't buy it, it tasted like chocolate cake batter, a slice or should I say lick, of heaven. It's that time of the month and nothing was going to keep me from tasting that pudding!

Anyway, I am back on track, still have the red wine headache, although it may be PMS, who knows...

Eating way too much popcorn...

It's not just calories, it's which calories do what!!!

Why That Big Meal You Just Ate Made You Hungry

Every few months, a new study purports to prove that a calorie is a calorie is a calorie, and that the only way to lose weight is to burn more than you take in.

But veteran dieters know something that some researchers apparently don't: Certain foods seem to fuel the appetite like pouring gasoline on a fire. Some people find that once they start eating bread, cookies, chocolate, potato chips -- or leftover Easter candy -- they lose all sense of fullness and find it difficult to stop.

That's the concept behind "The Skinny," a new book by Louis J. Aronne, longtime director of the Comprehensive Weight Loss Program at NewYork Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center. He makes the best case yet why what you eat and when you eat it can make a big difference in appetite, satiety and how much willpower it takes to cut down. "It's true that a calorie is a calorie," Dr. Aronne says. "But what that doesn't take into account is how some calories affect what people eat later on."

Appetite Stokers

Some foods make it harder to stop eating:

  • Bread
  • Sweets
  • Juice
  • Pasta
  • Wine or beer before dinner
  • Artificial sweeteners

*Source: "The Skinny" by Louis J. Aronne

Discuss

After 23 years of treating patients -- some of it espousing liquid diets -- Dr. Aronne has concluded that refined carbohydrates and foods with high sugar and fat content promote what he calls "fullness resistance." They interfere with the complex hormonal messages the body usually sends to the brain to signal that it's time to stop eating. People feel hungrier instead.

This happens in part because refined carbohydrates raise blood-sugar levels, setting up an insulin surge that drives blood sugar down again, causing rebound hunger. That insulin spike also interferes with leptin, the hormone secreted by fat cells that should tell the body to stop eating. Obese people have loads of leptin, but it either doesn't get to the brain, or the brain becomes resistant to it. "This is not a failure of willpower, it's a physical mechanism," Dr. Aronne writes. The body also becomes resistant to insulin, setting the stage for diabetes.

Other researchers have described similar phenomena. An article in this month's Medical Hypothesis argues that for some people, refined foods with high sugar and carbohydrate content can be just as addictive as tobacco and alcohol.

Eating foods high in protein, vegetables, fiber and water have the opposite effect, Dr. Aronne says. His plan recommends revising what you eat, one meal at a time, to restore your sense of fullness:

Breakfast: Loading up on lean protein -- ideally from egg whites or a protein shake -- in the morning reduces hunger all day long. Eating muffins, bread, sweetened cereal and juice does the opposite. A study of 30 overweight women at Saint Louis University School of Medicine found that those who ate eggs for breakfast consumed 140 fewer calories at lunch, and ate less for the next 36 hours, compared with women who ate bagels in the morning.

Some people argue that they aren't hungry in the morning, but Dr. Aronne notes that ghrelin, the hormone that typically signals hunger, adjusts to habitual meal patterns. After a few days of eating breakfast, you should find that you are hungry in the morning, and are eating less the night before, he writes.

Lunch: Some dieters try to cut calories by skipping this meal. But going more than five hours without food causes hunger hormones to rise and fullness hormones to drop, and sends more of the calories consumed at dinner straight to fat cells. Dr. Aronne recommends starting lunch with a salad -- at least two cups of lettuce -- then more vegetables, and then lean protein. Skip the cheese, croutons, bacon and creamy dressings, he advises. Using vinegar alone will cut your appetite and slow the rise in blood sugar.

Dinner: The end of the day is fraught with temptation. Obese people consume significantly more calories at dinner than slimmer people. Here, too, load up first on salads, clear soups, or high-protein appetizers like shrimp cocktail, then have a lean protein main course. Unlike some other diet plans, Dr. Aronne's program allows a half-cup of grains or a small dessert at the end of the meal, but only if you're still hungry.

Eating bread before dinner makes people lose their sense of fullness and eat more, Dr. Aronne warns. Alcohol makes it worse by lowering your resistance and promoting fat storage.

Snacks: Like many other weight-loss experts, Dr. Aronne believes that midmorning and midafternoon snacks can act as mini appetite suppressants, preventing blood sugar from dropping too low. But the same principles apply: high-sugar, high-starch, high-fat snacks -- including those little 100-calorie cookie packs -- start a vicious cycle of more cravings, whereas fruit, nuts, vegetables and clear soups can halt them.

Beverages: It should go without saying that juice and sweet soda can add hundreds of extra calories a day. A few studies have shown that even artificially sweetened beverages can prompt people to crave real sweets during the day. Cut back on all sources of liquid calories, Dr. Aronne advises; stick with water.

To be sure, if you eat as Dr. Aronne suggests, you'll consume fewer calories overall. The point is, eating protein early in the day may make it much easier to cut down. "It definitely does make a difference," says Ned Sadaka, a New York investment manager who consulted Dr. Aronne to drop 30 pounds that had crept up on him in recent years. He's lost 21 pounds and 5 inches off his waist since January.

Not everyone agrees that consuming more protein cuts appetite. Harvard School of Public Health's Frank Sacks led a study recently published in the New England Journal of Medicine that compared 811 overweight adults on four diets with varying levels of protein, fat and carbohydrate. "We found absolutely no difference in their satiety and hunger levels," Dr. Sacks says. All the groups lost similar amounts of weight.

Other weight-loss experts say that's not surprising, since there were only modest differences in their fat, protein and carbohydrate intakes, and many participants didn't stick to their plans.

Eric Westman, director of the Lifestyle Medical Clinic at Duke University Medical Center, who espouses the same kind of low-carb plan that Robert Atkins made famous, says in his experience, "There is almost complete appetite suppression when you eat protein."

The debate will doubtless continue -- weight loss is an extremely complex area, and not everyone's metabolism is the same. Dr. Aronne suggests trying his plan yourself: "Have 200 calories of egg white omelet or protein shake for breakfast, and then another day have 200 calories of juice and look at your hunger, hour after hour." Sometimes being a clinical trial of one is the best way to do your own research.

Monday, April 13, 2009

I Had 2 Glasses of Red Wine Last Night...

I have a headache this morning and did not wake up in time to go to the gym! The wine tasted very sweet to me. My husband said it was not sweet. Perhaps I could taste the sugar in it? I don't know. What I do know is that I could do without the headaches. What I like about not drinking alcohol is that you wake up earlier, feeling better and are more productive.

Note: Still had a headache 36 hours later!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter - 45 Days

Easter baskets for the kids was a non-event for me. I did take a deep breath into a bag of freshly-opened M&Ms this morning. They smelt good! I went out to eat with the in-laws yesterday and ate pretty well, flank steak with roasted red potatoes, carrots and a salad to start. No bread or dessert. Pellegrino with lime.

I woke up this a.m. feeling like I had a slight hangover, must've been the richer food or some ingredient in it.

Today we went our for Chinese and I ate as healthy as I could.

After discussing with my husband we came to the conclusion that my portion sizes must be too big. I am exercising plenty and except for popcorn my diet is healthy; whole grains, fruits, vegetables and non-fat dairy. I do eat more popcorn than the serving size allows. So I'll have to shave off some kernels....

Thursday, April 9, 2009

I dreamt last night that I went on an Eating Binge!

I felt bad about it in my dream and relieved when I woke up that it was only a dream. This is my 2nd dream like this. I wonder if it means that this new way of eating is getting cemented into my subconscious (or am I just stressed)! Who knows!?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Not Getting Thinner - Must Keep Plugging Away

Both my husband and I are surprised at the lack of weight loss in the last 40 days. I am exercising enough: 2-3 yoga classes a week, 2 pilates a week, cardio and weight-lifting.

I am not eating any white sugar or flour. I am not drinking any alcohol. I am no longer eating pepperoni or cheese sticks, etc. I do sprinkle some parmesan cheese on spinach. I am eating nonfat yogurt and non-fat milk, except in my tea I put 2%. I am eating whole grains, fruits and vegetables. I am eating at least 1/2 as much red meat as before and more fish and chicken.

Some possible culprits - marinades on the fish, portion sizes too big, too much popcorn. Too much food. I think I need to cut my portion sizes, eat slower so I can get full, maybe not drink so much tea (about 5 cups of decaf a day) so I can have a couple hours in between each meal with nothing in my stomach (frightening thought!).

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

40 Days and Feeling Great! Some Insights

How we overeat without realizing it:

1. We do other things while we are eating: chatting, watching t.v., reading, driving. I just got that I am supposed to sit and eat and be focused on my food, that way you take your time and are aware of what you're eating. I just started sitting down to eat my breakfast after probably 14 years of standing.

2. Eat too fast: I am always in a rush and shovel my food into my mouth. I don't give my brain time to tell my stomach it's full before I overload myself. On Sunday I came home from the gym and drank my smoothie. I still felt hungry after 30 seconds and ate a chicken sausage. Then I felt full and fat.

3. Shovel in food when we are stressed: I was feeling stressed yesterday but was out of popcorn. I went to Trader Joe's and bought some, did not allow myself to eat in the car, or the store for that matter, got home, ripped the bag open, poured it in a bowl and shoveled it in. At least it was popcorn and not cookies, or whoopie pies for that matter!

Friday, April 3, 2009

Day 36 - Off Sugar, Flour, Alcohol, Caffeine, Butter & Cheese and I Feel Great!

Another day of feeling great. I just need to get a little more sleep. I have been reading too long at night and am only getting 6 1/2 hour and I am trying to get 8. I've been reading that is the ideal for avoiding weight gain and for mental health etc. I am standing on my own which is what I've been working on and life is not bad when doing it without my "crutches."

I did eat a little more popcorn than usual. I was stressed getting a project done for one of my classes along with dealing with a health issue of one of the kids. For some reason the shoveling food into my mouth and chewing helps relieve stress and popcorn is not a bad choice. I am not eating popcorn and wishing it was cookies!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

35 Day Excorcism Was Successful!!!

The food whisperer has succeeded. My craving for the white stuff has disappeared. My body has finally given up the ghost of unhealthy carb cravings! I noticed yesterday that I was not really hungry. I ate my 3 squares with a couple of snacks. I only ate when I was hungry. I noticed I just felt hungry, not that desperate-search-the-pantry-I can't-get-satisfied hunger. Today I felt the same way. I went into The Corner Bakery, one of my nemesises, and got a salad, perused all of the sweet treats and did not salivate. I was hungry for the salad and nothing else.

Normally on Thursdays, I bring a big lunch to my class and eat it around 11 a.m. I am starving at that time. Today I had a small bag of carrots with hummus and some popcorn and that held me over until 1:30 when I had my salad.

I am also feeling thinner. My first thought was, now I can treat myself. Then I remembered this is a life change for me, not a diet. There is no going off and rewarding myself with food. I could reward myself with a nice piece of clothing...

I don't know if this is permanent but I am enjoying it. Perhaps its hormones or a monthly thing but we'll see!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Day 33 and I finally feel thinner!!!

My husband kept saying weight loss is not linear. It just comes off at some point. It seems that point is Day 33. I have not eaten cheese and had one bowl of popcorn today. The feeling of being a little thinner is very encouraging to keep plugging away!

Monday, March 30, 2009

I Ate 750 Calories (5 servings) of Popcorn Today!

I asked my husband to look over my 6 weeks of eating logs to look for possible culprits to my inability to lose weight. He noticed that I was eating lots of butter, cheese and popcorn.

I might have a cheese addiction. I was salivating in the cheese aisle of Trader Joe's today. . Thank God their were no Whoopie Pies there! I wonder if I could binge on broccoli? Would that be considered bingeing? Why do I find it comforting to shovel food of any kind in my mouth? It's crazy. I bought fake, organic (oxymoron?) butter today. I am trying to get off the butter and cheese. As my sister-in-law said, "you're not leaving much left to eat!" Actually there are plenty of things to eat.

I guess I will always find something to binge on. Today it was Popcorn. My lips are cracking from all of the salt on the lightly salted popcorn. I just kept shoveling it in. Stressful week, dealing with kids stuff and a project I need to get done for school by Friday. I suppose I should be grateful it wasn't cookies. But that action of shoveling a food in my mouth. It's weird.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Eating Out - Could Be Trouble

My husband and I have been eating out practically every night of this ski trip in Steamboat. We ate at a gourmet Mexican restaurant La Montagna, two night ago and I had fajitas with corn tortillas and pellegrino (probably the only healthy thing I ingested!). The food was delicious. How could I resist the tortilla chips they make themselves? Last night we at a delicious Italian place, Mazzulo's Majestic Italian Diner. I had seafood stuffed mushrooms, unbelievable! $4 salad, amazing. We did not eat the flatbread which they make every 20 minutes but did eat the fabulous hummus that went with it. I ordered the veal marsala with mashed potatoes and brocolli. I was so full from the other stuff, that I brought the rest home.

My husband and I both felt too full from the rich foods and I am sure it wasn't on our "plan" as my husband put it. So my point is, be really careful when you eat out. I saw someone getting a salmon and brocolli dish which looked fabulous and I wish that I had ordered that...

We are going out again for our last night...It will be good to get home!

Friday, March 27, 2009

I Just Read Skinny Bitch


My friend Cyndi, the woman who looks fabulous gave me this book to read. If you can get past the extremely vulgar language it is a quick and interesting, no-nonsense read. It made me realize that giving up sugar, flour and alcohol is only the beginning of my journey to good health. I need to keep cutting stuff out to get healthier and thinner if that is the goal. And it is for me. That is the great thing about keeping a food journal. You can go over it and see your eating hot spots. I am eating an awful lot of cheese. I use it as a spice to give flavor to my foods. An anxiety website said that cheese is an anixety causing food. The Skinny Bitches say that cheese can be addicted. Yet another addiction! Anyway, it's an interesting read and it really comes down to you are what you eat. The healthier you eat the better you will feel and the better your organs and organ systems will operate.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Just saw an old friend who looks fabulous!

We had an old friend from Steamboat over for dinner last night. When she walked in the door the first thing out of my mouth was "You look fabulous!" And she did. Cyndi is 55 and must have been 20lbs lighter than when I saw her last year. She had been off sugar, flour, alcohol, meat, etc. for 18 months. She said the weight just fell off. She sleeps great and feels wonderful. She exercises. What an inspiration. She told me to stick with it, I will see results. It's only been 28 days and I am eating a lot of butter and cheese and probably some other stuff I could cut out.

Also, she said that before I hit menopause (I'm 46) I want to get in shape. It'll just get harder after menopause when women naturally put on weight.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Day 27 off Sugar, Flour, Caffeine & Alcohol - Developing Patience

I feel good, not thinner. I do eat a lot of cheese & butter and food in general. When I get home from vacation I will pare the size of my meals down a tad. I know these things take time. If the American dieter doesn't know something, it's patience! Weight loss is not linear, it just happens. Right now I am in Colorado and high altitude always causes me to retain water.

I've been out to eat a couple of times in the evening with my husband. We usually have a glass of wine. I had seltzer with lime, feels kind of cocktailish...so it was fine and no headache in the morning. We were back home within an hour. Giving up drinking alcohol certainly frees up more time!

I've been making slice and bake cookies each afternoon when the kids get home from skiing. That is challenging, the slicing and not taking a taste. The smell of baking chocolate chip cookies is a killer but I've been making it through. I hope this is a case of what doesn't kill you (or tempt you in my case) will make you stronger.

Monday, March 23, 2009

I dreamt I ate a cookie!

I was bummed in my dream that I ate one cookie. I realized what I had done a passed the plate of cookies without eating another. I felt bad in my dream and was glad when I woke up and it wasn't true! But I am thinking if my subconscious and conscious are on the same page this is a good thing.

Anyway I notice I am putting cheese on everything. Perhaps this is why I have not been losing any weight. Not sure. Although cheese is supposed to aggravate anxiety.

My daughter has told me she is tired of listening to me talk about food, my anxieties, etc. I think she has a point. Now that I am working my plan of healthy eating I can save all my musings for the blog and perhaps talk about things the my family is interested in. That will be a change, the idea of taking the focus off myself. (My sister will be happy about this too!)

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Anxiety Disorder - Self Diagnosis!

I had an epiphany! I figured out that I have Anxiety Disorder. Under that umbrella falls OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Eating Disorders and Phobias. I have all three. I am an obsessive cleaner, etc. We all know I have an overeating problem and I have many phobias, water, flying, claustrophobia and fear of heights. Those are the ones I have figured out. Apparently, Anxiety Disorder is something that has gone awry in the brain. It is not caused by trauma. Anyway, I have done some research on how to manage this with diet.

1. Cut out caffeine
2. Cut out refined sugars and flour
3. Cut out alcohol - although it's relaxing at first it later causes anxiety
4. Exercise
5. Eat carbs
6. Eat 5 to 6 meals a day instead of 3

I am going to add from my own personal experience:

1. Don't procrastinate
2. Get 7 to 8 hours of sleep
3. Face your fears-I recently went zip lining. I was terrified. But I did it and I embraced my fear. Today I rode down the Gondola with my daughter. I was scared. She was kind enough to hold my hand. I did it later in the afternoon and put my faith in the Gondola. I figured mine wouldn't brake because it had a 1,000 lb limit and I'm under 200. I even looked out at the scenery. Not so bad.
4. If you worry about your kids, get them out of sight occasionally. I don't worry so much when I can't see them!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Whoopie Pies are Stalking Me!

Whoopie! Cookie, Pie or Cake, It's Having Its Moment

Francesco Tonelli for The New York Times

Published: March 17, 2009

FOR generations, vacationers in Maine and visitors to Pennsylvania’s Amish country have found a simple black and white snack in restaurants and convenience shops and on nearly every gas station counter: whoopie pies.

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Related

Recipe: Whoopie Pies (March 18, 2009)

Marilynn K. Yee/The New York Times

INVASIVE SPECIES Emily Isaac makes whoopie pies at Trois Pommes Patisserie in Park Slope.

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They were found in other pockets of the country, too, from New England to Ohio. But in most of the United States, people could be forgiven for not knowing that the whoopie pie is not, in fact, a pie at all. (It is sometimes described as a cookie, but that is not quite right, either. The closest description may be a cake-like sandwich, or perhaps a sandwich-like cake.)

Now whoopie pies are migrating across the country, often appearing in the same specialty shops and grocery aisles that recently made room for cupcakes. Last fall, they even cracked the lineup at Magnolia Bakery in Manhattan, which helped turn cupcakes into a national craze thanks to the bakery’s exposure on “Sex and the City.” Under the name “sweetie pies,” heart-shaped whoopie pies showed up in the February catalog from Williams-Sonoma. Baked in Maine with local butter and organic eggs, they sell for $49 a dozen.

In their traditional round form, whoopie pies can be found at Trader Joe’s supermarkets, at Whole Foods in Manhattan and at small bakeries like Kim’s Kitchen in Evanston, Ill., outside Chicago.

Kim’s Kitchen (soon to be renamed Fraîche) was an early adopter, first offering its hockey-puck-size pies seven years ago. The cakes come in chocolate and pumpkin, which remains a popular flavor long after the autumn leaves are gone, according to the shop’s owner, Susan Friedman.

“If we took them away after it stopped being fall, there would be a riot outside,” Ms. Friedman said.

Whoopie pies have been on the rise for several years, and nobody can pinpoint the reason they finally broke into the national consciousness. But the snacks evoke a more homespun era that seems to provide some comfort amid the economic gloom. “Pure edible nostalgia,” the Williams-Sonoma catalog calls them.

“Especially now, when people are so stressed out, they are going back to whoopie pies,” said Emily Isaac, owner of Trois Pommes Patisserie in Park Slope, Brooklyn.

Ms. Isaac had never heard of whoopie pies before she was asked to make them as wedding favors three years ago. Entranced at first taste, she put them on the menu at her bakery when it opened in May 2007.

There are dozens of variations on the shape, flavors and fillings. Trois Pommes serves what seems to be the classic version: two round mounds of chocolate cake, about three inches across, with French vanilla cream filling.

The whoopie pie sold since last fall at Zingerman’s Bakehouse, in Ann Arbor, Mich., sports a chocolate glaze on its dense chocolate cake and is filled with Swiss buttercream filling.

The basic elements of the whoopie pie turn up in many other snacks that might be considered its far-flung relatives. Amy Emberling, a partner at Zingerman’s Bakehouse, grew up in eastern Canada eating a similar cookie called a Jos. Louis. Oreo sells a whoopie pie look-alike called the Oreo Cakester, while the Hostess Suzy Q is a square version that vies for space on some store shelves with whoopie-esque Little Debbie snack cakes.

Food historians believe whoopie pies originated in Pennsylvania, where they were baked by Amish women and put in farmers’ lunchboxes.

Tired from a morning’s work, the farmers purportedly would shout “Whoopie!” if they discovered one of the desserts in their lunch pails, Ms. Emberling said.

In parts of Pennsylvania, whoopie pies remain a celebrated sweet. The annual Whoopie Pie Festival at the Hershey Farm and Inn in Strasburg, Pa., features a whoopie pie eating contest and the coronation of the Whoopie Pie Queen.

The whoopie pie would probably be Maine’s state dessert, if the state had one. The filling is generally of one of two types: a thick, sweet frosting made from Crisco shortening combined with confectioners’ sugar, or, more conveniently, a dollop of Marshmallow Fluff.

The cake itself is typically not especially sweet, and is often on the dry side, since the frosting lends plenty of sugar and a gooey consistency, said Sandra Oliver, a food historian and columnist in Islesboro, Me.

How the cookies traveled to Maine is a mystery, however.

One theory holds that whoopie pies were brought north during the Great Depression through the Yummy Book, a recipe pamphlet first published in 1930 by Durkee-Mower, the Massachusetts company that makes Fluff.

Day 21 - Some Thoughts

I have written because I've been depressed at feeling fatter after 3 weeks off my favorite foods! Today I gave birth to my 4th child 6 years ago. One year after that I weighed 175 lbs at 5'3". I started exercising and thinking about eating right at that time. It has been a long (and short) and sometimes arduous journey. I am probably in the 145 range but don't weigh myself. Also peri-menopausal which I believe has a hand in all of this.

While visiting my mother with my sister in Florida last week, I drove them crazy talking about food, food deprivation, how hungry I am and how I fantasize about treats. It is ridiculous. I have been thinking about Whoopie Pies and then they appear on the cover of the NY Times Dining section as if I conjured them. I sometimes feel I could throw all this away for a Whoopie Pie, how pathetic!

I have not been getting enough sleep and using caffeine to perk me up. I have not been going to OA meetings.

I don't miss the alcohol at all.

My husband and kids say I am nicer and I do feel no guilt so that keeps me going on this path to good physical and mental health. I have been keeping up my exercise regimen and have been getting out more socially.

I think I need to stop obsessing about food and move on. I did have full fat bacon today. It is the first time I felt full in awhile. Perhaps its the fat I crave as well as the sugar. I also found myself eating bags of popcorn. Shoveling it in like it was the last thing on earth. It makes me a little full but the shoveling handfuls in my mouth is disturbing. It is appearing all over the house. In yoga the other day, some fell out of my cleavage during my down dog pose!

Key learnings:

1. Try to stop obsessing about food
2. No more popcorn
3. I have an oral fixation (smoking would probably do the trick)
4. Get at least 7 hours of sleep
5. No more caffeine
6. Try to just be with the feeling of hunger without doing anything about it.
7. Keep exercising
8. Go to OA meetings - I haven't been in 2 weeks
9. Keep going out socially
10. Start planning meals

Monday, March 16, 2009

Box of Medical Gowns Triggered a Carb Craving! 18th Day

I was at the doctor's office and their were boxes of surgical gowns with a logo that looked like the girls scout cookie logo. I started to salivate. I need to retrain my brain either not to continue to look for things I am no longer eating or not to make the associations. It's crazy.

On another note, I am not even missing the white wine. Somehow my acitivities for the last three weeks have left no room for sitting and having a drink. Interesting. I am very focused on the food. Still feeling fat. I feel like my body is hanging onto the extra weight for dear life and still waiting for a bad carb infusion!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

I traveled successfully! Day 16

I am in Florida visiting my mom. I was able to fly from Chicago to Florida and eat healthy. I packed cheese sticks, banana, apple and pistachios. I bought a latte at the airport and some water. It was tough when I got to my moms because there was very little I could eat. I don't like my food choices to be a burden on anyone. We did go to the store and get some stuff. I could have packed my oatmeal and tea and that would have made things easier. I didn't think to call my mom and ask her to pick up stuff. I am still feeling fat. My digestive system has not seemed to adjusted to the new way of eating. I'll keep plugging away.

At lunch today, I had a grouper salad which was delicious. But I never get full from just the protein and vegetable. I was salivating looking at the uneaten chips on my mom and sister's plate. I couldn't understand why they didn't devour them! Same with the brownies at dinner tonight. I was salivating. They each had one and left the rest on the plate. I wanted to devour them. I hope this feeling goes away at some point.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Can't Fit into My Summer Clothes!!!!

Going to Florida today. I can barely get into my clothes! This is so depressing! Two weeks of eating and exercise and I feel like a blimp. But since I have no choice I am going to work through this! I can see why people give up. Stay tuned. Something's gotta give!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

2 Weeks off the White Stuff - and some Revelations

I am finally starting to feel a little lighter. I don't weigh myself, I take note of how my clothes fit.
I have been off caffeine for about 5 days. I realized that I want to try and give up all of my crutches; no caffeine when I am tired or feeling a little blue, no sweets or starchy stuff when I'm stressed, no alcohol to unwind. Perhaps I can lighten up on the cleaning, we'll see.

I want to stand alone, so to speak and see what happens. Will life be okay? I'll let you know. I was shoveling popcorn in even when I wasn't hungry. What's that all about. The action of shoveling something into my mouth to relieve stress. Interesting. Although with the popcorn, I don't feel guilty.

I still salivate when I see delicious foods but I have not been obsessing about my future without them. I've noticed that I am more relaxed. I had to take one of my kids downtown to the doctor (stress) and stayed relaxed while we waited. Normally that drives me crazy. Waiting for doctors.
I am definitely calmer.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

New Web Site Helps Predict Alcohol Problems

To Your Health: New Web Site Helps Predict Alcohol Problems
www.rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov

By MELINDA BECK

The conventional wisdom used to be that alcoholics had to hit bottom before they got better. But it can be a long, slow way down. A new government Web site called "Rethinking Drinking" aims to help people recognize problem patterns earlier and catch themselves before they fall.

"Most people don't know what 'drink responsibly' means -- they think it means not getting tanked," says Mark Willenbring, director of treatment and recovery research at the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. "But there are levels of drinking that raise your risk for alcohol problems just like high cholesterol raises your risk for heart disease."
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* Are you drinking too much? Join the discussion at Journal Community.

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* Columnist Melinda Beck answers readers' questions about "textile dye dermatitis" and "empathetic pain" syndrome.

Behind the NIAAA's effort is a new understanding that there is a spectrum of alcohol-use disorders, which some experts hope will replace the current criteria for "abuse" and "dependence." The old definitions were based on observing addicts in treatment. Several large studies of drinking in the general population show that some patterns clearly pave the way for future problems.

The NIAAA say you are at "low-risk" for serious problems if you consume no more than four standard-size alcoholic drinks a day for a man or no more than three for a woman. That may sound like a lot, but you can't drink like that every day. The weekly "low-risk" limit is no more than 14 drinks for a man or seven for a woman. Drinking more daily, or weekly or both carries higher risk of abuse or dependence.

At www.rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov, you can plug in your average consumption and see how you compare with the general population and problem drinkers. Since this is anonymous, you can try different amounts and see what they mean.

Some 37% of Americans always stay within the daily and weekly limits, according to the site. Only two in 100 of them progress to serious alcohol problems.

But 19% of Americans exceed either the daily or weekly levels; one in 12 of those people has already progressed to alcohol abuse or alcoholism. About 9% of Americans exceeds both the weekly and daily limits; half of them have alcohol problems.

Very few Americans exceed the weekly limits without exceeding the daily limitations, according to Dr. Willenbring. That contrasts with drinking patterns in Europe, where people are more likely to have wine with lunch and dinner on a daily basis.

About 35% of Americans don't drink at all. "That can be a real eye-opener for people who drink heavily and surround themselves with other people who drink a lot," says Ann Bradley, an NIAAA spokeswoman.

Even "low-risk" drinking can be risky for people with bipolar disorder, liver disease, abnormal heart rhythm and chronic pain, the Web site notes. It also links to a list of dozens of medications that can react adversely with alcohol, including drugs for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, pain and depression.

The limits are lower for women than men not just because of their size. According to the NIAAA, women's bodies tend to have less water so the alcohol tends to become more concentrated and more damaging to organs like the liver.

The Web site also notes that being able to "hold" a lot of liquor is actually a warning sign of dependence. And driving and judgment can be impaired even if you don't feel a buzz.
Safer Spirits

Most people are at low risk for alcohol problems if they stay within these limits:

* Men: No more than four standard-size drinks on any single day and no more than 14 weekly.
* Women: No more than three standard-size drinks on any single day and no more than seven weekly.

*Source: NIAAA

Knowing the size and strength of a "standard" drink is critical, so the site has a size chart and a content calculator. Some cocktails contain as much alcohol as three standard drinks. A wine bottle usually holds five 5-oz. glasses.

"Rethinking Drinking" leaves it up to you whether and when to change your habits, though it notes that alcohol is a factor in many fatal accidents and increases the risk of heart and liver disease, depression, sleep disorders, diabetes and many cancers. One section discusses the merits of cutting down versus quitting completely. Another lists pros and cons to consider—including "I'd need another way to wind down."

In focus groups when the site was tested, "some people got very quiet and engaged when they got to this part. It turned into an intervention," says Maureen Gardner, who co-authored the program.

The site also lists strategies for changing drinking habits, from "space and pace" (no more than one per hour) to "avoiding triggers" (recognizing external situations and internal emotions that tempt you to drink). An "urge tracker" lets you record times when you wanted a drink and why, what you did and what you might have done differently. A section on "refusal skills" helps you plan ahead to say no in social situations.

Dr. Willenbring hopes the site, and a downloadable print version, provides a tool for doctors, clergy and others who counsel people concerned about their drinking habits.

Awareness already seems to be rising, says Eileen Travis, director of a New York City Bar Association program that assists lawyers with substance abuse. "We get calls all the time from people who say they think they have a problem and want to stop before it gets bad—many more than in the past, when the only people we dealt with were in trouble in some way," she says.

Studies show that just five minutes of discussion with a primary-care doctor can reduce heavy drinking by 25%. Exploring online all by yourself might be just as useful.

* Email HealthJournal@wsj.com

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Susie Orbach, Pyschotherapist on our body

"I wish we could treat our bodies as the place we live from, rather than regard it as a place to be worked on, as though it were a disagreeable old kitchen in need of renovation and update."

12th Day -I Want to go off Diet but forgot I'm not on one!

I was very hungry yesterday. I went to Target and found myself bumming out over not being able to buy something sweet. Salivated over the french bread I bought for my kids. Went so far as to breath in the delicious fragrance. I was tired but did not have caffeine. I was off of caffeine for eight years and felt good. Did not get that sudden fatigue you get when you need a cup of coffee mid day. Also was not tired in the a.m. I am trying to get to that place again.

I think maybe I should not be eating the popcorn. I found I was shoveling it in my mouth because it was available and I was feeling stressed because I need to take a kid downtown to the doctor and I didn't have anyone to watch the kids. I did eventually get a babysitter. Being in action when your stressed is a huge stress reliever. I am not going to buy the popcorn and try to stop eating the pepperoni and cheese, which believe it or not does not satisfy me.

I am still feeling fat and remembered that I am not on a diet. Any weight loss will be icing on the cake. Somethings gotta give. I feel like my body is in shock and has not accepted that it will not be getting those delicious calories. But then again, I may be eating too much! I am certainly more even-tempered, feeling no guilt and cooking more.

Monday, March 9, 2009

11th Day - Easier when it's no longer an option

So far so good. It's interesting, now that I have realized that sweets and white flour are not the optimal food for me, that they are no longer an option, it has not been hard to give up. I do get sad at the thought of not having my key lime pie or chocolate chip cookies...I have also not missed the alcohol. It is nice to wake up on a weekend morning fresh and ready to go. My husband and I can still sit in front of the fire and have tea and conversation.

When I think about the long term, it seems daunting to give up all of the treats that I love but one day at a time is not so bad. As long as I am satisfied with other foods I don't get the cravings. Also, now that I've realized that I am a stress eater, the problem seems to have almost gone away. I have noticed that I might shovel some popcorn in my mouth when I get stressed but that's not so bad. Also, I acknowledge, "I'm stressed" I need to shove something in my mouth, whereas before I had no idea what was going on.

What I am saying is that when you've told yourself you no longer have a choice in the matter, you can move on. When you vacillate that is when things can happen

Sunday, March 8, 2009

10th Day Off The White Stuff

Things are going well. Seeing sweet foods does make me want it but having accepted that I have a problem with treats and made the commitment to myself to deal with it gives me a lot of strength. There is no longer an option. It is not available to me. So I move on. I am definitely happier.

Interestingly, I went to a dinner party last night which was very nice. The hostess knew that I was not just giving up sweets for Lent but believed that I had a true problem. I did inform her ahead of time that I would not be eating dessert. I did not want her to be offended when we did not eat dessert. She did try to entice me with her homemade brownies. I was a little surprised. even though I've know that people would try to get you to eat the stuff. I'll have to come up with some good responses...

Friday, March 6, 2009

9th Day off the white stuff

I am starting to feel better but worry about the future. What if I accidently eat something with sugar in it? Will that set of a binge? How do I handle people who try to convince me that eating trigger foods won't be a problem (It would probably help if I didn't announce it to everyone). I must work on trying not to explain myself to everyone.

I am not finding it hard to do, one day at a time. I am finding it hard to do for the rest of my life.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Torture Your Way to Weight Loss? (Ruminations on my 8th day)

I have always tried to get healthy and thinner by traveling a route of torture rather than comfort. I would use what I called the "tourniquet" method. I would wear jeans way to tight, they often had to be rubber-banded shut. These pants would be a reminder not to eat to much. They weren't comfortable and probably looked bad as well. I was successful in persuading some of my friends to try it. I do think you'll eat less if your clothes are too tight.

In the past I'd also give up foods and announce to everyone what I am doing. I would moan and groan while breathing in the sent of a newly opened bag of marshmallows. I have now realized that I must choose to eat healthy. I am not sacrificing bad food. I am choosing good food. Now that I have done this, cookies and french bread are not an option. By doing this, I have no guilt. No thoughts "Did I eat something bad." I also wear comfortable clothes that I feel good in. I am in no rush to lose weight because I feel good everyday. I go about my business and don't think about weight loss. It will come. Of that I am certain. In the meantime I am enjoying the freedom from foods that make me irritable, unhealthy and happy. My family is noticing a difference in my moods (for the better).

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

My Many Compulsions

Cleaning - I wipe down the bathrooms and toilets everyday
Laundry - I like the bins completely empty, laundry washed and folded and put away every day
Garbage - I want every bit of garbage out of the house on garbage day.
Wastebaskets - emptied at least once a day.
Garage - cleaned once a week in the warmer months
Basement storage - straightened up once a month
Kid's hair - I obsess if they are not neatly coiffed.
I am always on time
90% return phone calls on day I receive
Belts and Shoes - must match
If my car is dirty, I obsess until I get it to car wash

I am sure I can add more

Day 7 off the White Stuff

Polled my husband and kids. Husband and daughter say that I am nicer and less irritable. I think so. Also, still very hungry, like my body is searching for sugar in everything I eat. Ate some popcorn yesterday without a bingeing problem. Feeling fat. I can see how people go off diets at this point.

Things I need to remember:

My family likes me better this way
I feel better
No guilt
Not gaining weight
More free brain power to think about other things.
Cooking more

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

6th Day and this is an Addiction Not a Diet

I got up this morning feeling kind of blue. Six days and I don't feel any thinner. I forgot that I am not on a diet. I am making a lifestyle change because I can't control my eating of sugar and flour! Losing weight and looking better will be an added bonus.

This is not something I stop and go back to eating all those delicious and momentarily comforting foods. I must plug on even if my butt remains larger than my husband and I have to continue to wear my Lee Comfort Waist Jeans (which by the way look good and are the most comfortable pants I've ever worn!) I'll probably continue to wear them even If I begin to look like a model!

Anyway, plugging away. I was so hungry yesterday. I find the inconsistency in my hunger from day to day daunting. Once again, a control issue. I have certain expectations as to what I can eat and feel satisfied and it doesn't always work out that way.

I am continuing to exercise consistently. I am happy about that. I am continuing to go to my OA meetings twice a week. I find them helpful, I am not sure why. There are a lot of people with much worse problems than me. I do find the addiction stories that are read in the meetings helpful and sharing helps to gather my thoughts and I guess making the efforts to go to the meetings reinforce my commitment to myself and family.

Monday, March 2, 2009

5th Day off the White Stuff!

I feel pretty good today. I think I may be eating to much popcorn. I was eating it last night before bed. Trigger, water in the basement. We have had an ongoing water problem that our builders have been diligently trying to solve. We thought a rainstorm last week had not effected the basement but lo and behold, water. So I started stuffing popcorn into my mouth. I felt hungry, so we'll see. Was I truly hungry or just truly stressed?

Most of my issues of not eating those foods are my worrying about not eating them long term. I am not craving anything. Although when I see treats, I do salivate. I started to salivate when I pulled into a parking space next to the corner bakery truck. I am like Pavlov's dog.

Eating lots of popcorn. This may be a problem. I am very hungry today. I feel like I am real hungry not "head hungry" (where it's in your head). I was shoveling the popcorn in my mouth. I felt like I should just attach a feed bag to my face like they do with horses. I must've been stressed about something!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Control and Eating

I have realized that my compulsive eating stems from my need to control everything. My house needs to be clean, my kids, husband and dog need to behave the way that I want. In public I need everyone to follow the rules: stop at stop signs, be polite in the store, control their kids, not talk on their cell phones to loud. My list of rules is endless. If anyone does not behave they way I expect I get stressed and want to eat something. Philosophically, I know that I have no control but it doesn't stop me from reacting.

Another thought: Once I have been eating healthy and have dropped a few pounds, I often start eating unhealthy foods again. Just a little...and before I know it I am back to full-fledged consumption of whatever I want. The fact that I don't put 25 lbs. on overnight allows me to think that I have it in control and can eat like this. But then one day I wake up and I'm say to myself, "Whoa, what happened?"

I spoke with husband today. He said I am nicer when I am eating healthy. I cook more when I am eating healthy. Those are two good reasons to stay the course!

4th Day off the White Stuff

I am very tired today. I don't know if using the caffeine is a good idea. Yesterday I had one cup in the a.m and one at 3 p.m. I had a difficult time going to sleep. It is depressing when I think long term about no more sweet treats, bread, etc. But at the same time, I feel better and more even-tempered. I know I won't get fatter eating healthy. I stress about questions people will ask about my experiment. Everyone has an opinion. People don't like you to change. I don't think this new way of eating will slip by unnoticed...

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Abstinence is Freedom

Hard to believe but it's true. Since I have chosen not to eat or drink the white stuff I no longer have to think about it, plot to get it, eat it or feel guilty. It is just out of my life so I can focus on other things. That is liberating!

3rd Day off the White Stuff

Easier to get up today but now I am hungry constantly. I did sit down last night with the husband and had ricotta cheese with cinnamon, vanilla and stevia. It takes sort of like cheese cake. I had it with tea and read the newspaper and watched Guess Who's Coming to Dinner. If I had had a glass of wine, I probably would have fallen asleep during the movie.

It's nice to wake up somewhat fresh!

Friday, February 27, 2009

2nd Day off the White Stuff (Sugar, Flour, Chardonnay)

I went to bed at 8:30 last night. I was dragging. I get the same symptoms every time I do this detox thing. It feels like lead running through my veins. I dragged myself out of bed at 4:45. I just had a cup of caffeinated tea. That makes me feel human. A little more energetic.

Yesterday, I held my breath while walking by Nuts on Clark, a popcorn place. The smell of caramel corn is to die for. Anyway, now that I'm journaling I can't believe how much of my day is taken up with thinking about food, wanting food, plotting to get food, remembering delicious food experiences, mourning the loss of those delicious foods in my diet, feeling guilty about food, feeling triumphant about my victories over food. I feel like a country at war. I am using so much of my mental, physical and emotional energy to fight this battle. No wonder why I don't give my husband and kids the attention they need. When I think of how much I could accomplish in my life if I could end the war and just live in peace....

I had a 2nd cup of caffeinated tea because that's all the Corner Bakery sells. I felt much better today. I am home now and hungry and making fish, brown rice and spinach. As it is a Friday night I'd love to sit down and have a glass of wine with my hubby but that's not going to happen. I'll have to find some other way to unwind on a Friday or Saturday evening...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

1st Day off Sweets and Alcohol

I have chosen to give up both sweets and alcohol as I think there may be a relation. I will have one cup of caffeinated tea a day. I have found that helps me get over the draggy feeling of getting off the white stuff.

I still feel full from all of my indulging yesterday. This is how I feel on white flour and sugar:

Pros:

full and satisfied
love, love love the taste of sweets
when eating chocolate, energized
illusion of eating less, example 2 starbucks dark choc grahams fill me up like a meal. So I don't eat the healthy meal.

Cons:

I forego healthy foods in lieu of sweets
Stuff like ritz crackers, I can't get enough of those. Not filling
I gain weight
Feel less like going to the gym
Guilt
Out of touch with my muscles.
I plot and plan my next "fix"
I can't have just one

Commitment:

I will do plan out my meals, make lunch at breakfast
I will continue to journal
I will go to OA meetings
I will read OA literature
I will shop responsibly, for kids as well.
I will go to the gym

It's 5 p.m. and I am exhausted, hungry even though I've had some cheese and pepperoni and popcorn. Definitely don't have the really full satisfied feeling I know and love. I do feel like I am deflating.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The Binge before the Break with Sweets

Well, I am already to have my last sweets before I go off sweets tomorrow. I am already full from eating some chocolate today. Not much. I had some Cadbury eggs with graham crackers. I do like the full feeling sugar gives me. I had some soup for lunch but am waiting to eat lemon bars, brownies, cream cheese brownies, mini-chocolate bundt cakes, and chocolate pretzels. Besides having a nice full feeling and not feeling deprived, I feel heavier and out of touch with my body. I am heavier. I've been going to the gym but that can't stave off the calories from eating like this. I do feel a little less energetic in some ways. I don't feel like eating healthy foods. They don't taste as good.

Stress is my big trigger and perhaps boredom. Maybe a sprinkly of loneliness. I need to be in touch with the triggers and deal with the stress without eating. I handle all my situations, I just do it with a cookie in my mouth. I went back and forth about baking cookies and chose not to. I thought it was too much work for not a good idea. I did by some stuff at Corner Bakery but I am actually not that excited about eating it.

My sister was kind enough to send me Food for Thought - Daily Meditations for Overeaters. So I have been reading it.

Things are Out of Control!

Lots of stress lately, kid problems, jury duty with a crazy week. I did not plan a lunch yesterday so I ate out of the vending machines and at McDonald's. I noticed the eating candy bars as I am stressed doesn't really relieve the stress. It isn't even pleasurable. When I am so stressed I hardly taste it? Interesting. Perhaps if I tried eating something good for me in a high stress situation it might make me feel better.

I didn't do much for Fat Tuesday as planned. I ate some sweets but did not eat at the ice cream store where I took the kids. I was going to bake for guest tonight but have decided not to. Too busy and just not a good idea. I will put the butter I left out back in the fridge. A small victory. I did buy and eat some cadbury eggs yesterday. They are one of my favorites. But then again I have so man favorites...

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Planning for Fat Tuesday!!!

I would say things are a bit out of control here! I am planning for a Fat Tuesday Smorgasbord followed by my Lenten commitments to give a Sweets and Alcohol until Easter. I will also give $ to ever person begging on the streets.

I am driving my husband crazy with my plotting and planning. He is not partaking of my Fat Tuesday idea. I know better but I am doing it anyway.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Plotting My Next Fix!

I have not been planning my meals but I have been plotting the what, when, where and how to get my next sweet fix. I actually argued with myself on the way to school as to whether to just get tea at corner bakery or a treat as well. I talked myself into the cream cheese brownie.

I did realize that on the days I go downtown to school, I usually eat better and less stressfully. On these days I pack a healthy lunch and eat it. I am usually so busy with classes and my commute that I don't think much about food, I eat to stay energized. I am going to try preparing all my lunches in the morning so I don't have to think about it.