I have written because I've been depressed at feeling fatter after 3 weeks off my favorite foods! Today I gave birth to my 4th child 6 years ago. One year after that I weighed 175 lbs at 5'3". I started exercising and thinking about eating right at that time. It has been a long (and short) and sometimes arduous journey. I am probably in the 145 range but don't weigh myself. Also peri-menopausal which I believe has a hand in all of this.
While visiting my mother with my sister in Florida last week, I drove them crazy talking about food, food deprivation, how hungry I am and how I fantasize about treats. It is ridiculous. I have been thinking about Whoopie Pies and then they appear on the cover of the NY Times Dining section as if I conjured them. I sometimes feel I could throw all this away for a Whoopie Pie, how pathetic!
I have not been getting enough sleep and using caffeine to perk me up. I have not been going to OA meetings.
I don't miss the alcohol at all.
My husband and kids say I am nicer and I do feel no guilt so that keeps me going on this path to good physical and mental health. I have been keeping up my exercise regimen and have been getting out more socially.
I think I need to stop obsessing about food and move on. I did have full fat bacon today. It is the first time I felt full in awhile. Perhaps its the fat I crave as well as the sugar. I also found myself eating bags of popcorn. Shoveling it in like it was the last thing on earth. It makes me a little full but the shoveling handfuls in my mouth is disturbing. It is appearing all over the house. In yoga the other day, some fell out of my cleavage during my down dog pose!
Key learnings:
1. Try to stop obsessing about food
2. No more popcorn
3. I have an oral fixation (smoking would probably do the trick)
4. Get at least 7 hours of sleep
5. No more caffeine
6. Try to just be with the feeling of hunger without doing anything about it.
7. Keep exercising
8. Go to OA meetings - I haven't been in 2 weeks
9. Keep going out socially
10. Start planning meals
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